My Big Fat Gay Wedding Recap

Numerous people have asked about the gay quaker wedding I attended last week in Illinois. I don't want to keep my loyal readers waiting... :)

Joe Moderate and his husband had a wonderful ceremony. I heard multiple people say this was the neatest wedding they had ever attended. I think that's because of a combination of things. Joe and his hubby are both in the PhD program at their university and over the years they have created an amazing network of friends. I have long envied the stories I have heard of friends being like family to them. And their entire wedding was pulled off thanks to the hard work of friends. We got to the reception site early in the morning to help set up and then stayed after to help clean up. It was alot of work but as I was talking with my dear friends boyfriend, he commented that he had never felt such a sense of community in a wedding before. It was true. (Hi to all the new people I met who have been reading this blog!!)

The ceremony: Quakers do their wedding ceremonies much different than most of us are used to. Yet most of us really liked it! Quakers have no pastor and no one lead the service. We all sat in this simple white room, sitting in a big circle with the grooms near the middle. We started off with all of us introducing ourselves and sharing our relation to the grooms. This really set the tone for the entire wedding. I've been a groomsmen in 6 different weddings and attended numerous more and most of the time people only talk to the couple people there that they know. This whole wedding was about us, as a community, supporting the grooms on that day and into the future.

Next came about 15mins of silence (one of the major tenants of the quaker faith). Then the two grooms stood up and exchanged their vows. Each looked deeply into the others eyes. It was wonderful. They exchanged rings and kissed and sat back down. More silence followed until one of the quaker leaders started the group sharing time. What followed was amazing. I don't know how long it was. Maybe an hour. But most of the 100+ people in the room shared a story of one of the grooms or shared from Scripture or shared a blessing or words of encouragement. Joe's husband's family was in attendance and it was wonderful to hear them share of their support for their son. There were a few tears throughout the sharing but mostly smiles. I could tell that what was shared meant deeply to both Joe and his husband. And maybe thats why so many of us felt like it was an amazing wedding. I have seen beautiful ceremonies before, but it is always a pastor talking while the rest of us sit and watch. It's meaningful to the bride and groom, sure... but this was meaningful to ALL of us in attendence. And how much more for the ones getting married getting to hear from their friends who are going to be there for them long after the ceremony ends!

The ceremony finished with shaking hands (another quaker thing) and all of us signing the marriage certificate. Illinois doesn't have domestic partnerships so it was just a religious one. We then all headed over to the reception for an amazing dinner and a fun night.

There's lots more details including my 2 days in Chicago. And how wonderful it was to see all my friends from my exgay days. I was looking at our group picture. There were 11 of us who attended that were part of this one particular exgay ministry... only 3 of them are still considered "exgay". The other 8 of us identify as gay. And most of us have kept our faith. Which in the end is the most important thing (and a seperate post!).

On a personal note I admit that part of me is still uncomfortable with being gay. And with all the gayness I was surrounded by. I mean I spent almost 7 years in exgay ministries trying to change and thinking how horrible homosexuality is. That's alot of residue to deal with. And i'm not just going to change over night. I wish I was alot more comfortable. I wish I was more secure in my relationship with Jesus over this stuff. So I haven't arrived yet. I'm still a mess. And i've got to work on the negative feelings I still hold towards homosexuality. But what I saw in that wedding was beautiful. And I hope that it becomes alot more common place in the future and more people get to see how wonderful love can be.